#293: Berlin's pigeon murderer

Getting an appointment for the citizenship test is ... testing

As much of the fabric of the city as certain clubs, Spätis and grumpy locals. Photo: Magnus Hagdorn via CC BY-SA 2.0

Hey 20 Percent!

My father always hated my birthday. He tried to hide it by giving me more presents than my brother on his birthday six months later. But you could tell something was off.

It wasn’t until I became an adult that I understood — his birthday was just two months after mine and we were exactly 30 years apart. He could easily calculate how old he was about to be, and he hated it.

I must have inherited that gene because I feel the same way about the summer solstice. Today. The longest day of the year — from here on out it’s just one slow descent into seasonal depression.

But at least we get Fete de la Musique, where every vacant corner in Berlin becomes a music stage.

Have a good Friday!

Andrew

PS: I’m teaming up with long-time comedy buddy Chris Davis to do a shared hour of stand-up comedy next Saturday, June 29, at Comedy Cafe Berlin at 8pm. Between Euro 2024 games and just as funny (if not funnier) as Italy’s own goal last night.

Getting any appointment in Berlin is impossible

A willingness to go through the bureaucracy of becoming a German should be enough of a test to get citizenship. But no, you still have to pass a citizenship test before you can get a Teutonic passport but, because Berlin, getting an appointment to take one of those tests is more than difficult, reports RBB24. Why? German bureaucracy of course. You have to show up in person at one of the 12 Volkshochschulen (continuing education centers) offering the tests and hope to be allowed to register — Berlin doesn’t have enough test spots for the current interest in naturalization. But that’s not all — your registration is sent to Nürnberg, where they assemble the 33-question test out of 300 possible questions. The test is sent to Berlin but after you take it it’s again sent to Nürnberg to be checked — results can take up to eight weeks. Because apparently the computer hasn’t been invented yet when it comes to citizenship tests. The director at one Volkshochschule recommends checking with schools on the edges of Berlin — they may have spare capacity.

The only club Germans hate

Bureaucracy is also a problem — some say a wanted problem — for newly legal weed smokers in Berlin. Users were supposed to be able to join cultivation clubs July 1 to secure their supply but the legal framework is missing in Berlin. No clubs can be formed. Politicians will first discuss legislation June 27, meaning it will be weeks until tokers can join up to grow their ganja, according to Tagesspiegel. Critics say conservative politicians are intentionally dragging their feet.

Crisis centers for minors in crisis

Crisis centers for children are now refusíng to accept some children but not because of bureaucracy, but because of a lack of skilled workers, according to BZ. The centers, which generally accept minors brought in by emergency workers outside of normal working hours, will no longer accept children already in other public institutions (group homes, for example). Homes often send troublesome kids to the crisis centers as a disciplinary measure, which soaks up capacity for minors in crisis situations. Berlin has three crisis centers for minors — Hohenschönhausen, Charlottenburg and Kreuzberg.

Postkutsche (reader mail) or Berlin’s pigeon murderer

🕊️ Allison said she’s recently seen three pigeons with their heads cleanly cut off on her bike ride to work near Schlesisches Tor. “It’s demonic and very disturbing to say the least.”

The pigeon murderer in Kreuzberg and Neukölln is very well known and documented. Prosecutors last fall refused to press charges against him because he was — at least sometimes — eating the pigeons. Eating what you kill is a unique loophole in German law since it’s one of the few times you’re allowed to kill animals.

Kathrin Herrmann, the top animal welfare official in Berlin, said she wasn’t allowed to talk to the press and instead pointed to a November press release detailing the gruesome acts and criticizing prosecutors for not doing more.

A source familiar with the case said investigators continue to pursue the issue but have since determined the man cannot be charged due to psychological reasons. The source said that shouldn’t rule out some kind of action to protect Berlin’s feathered friends — he could be committed for psychological treatment.

Thanks for the note Allison and we’ll keep you updated. We’re horrified too.

German news

📰 The nightly news is now in simple German. Good for German learners?

🐖 Does Germany need a sugar tax too?

🚽 If you have kids you know how bad school bathrooms are here

🛂 Chancellor says too many refugees trying to get into Germany

Factoid

When is a tram actually a train? Photo: Rolf Erfurt/BVG

Berlin public transport company BVG just received one of Europe’s longest trams. The Alstom Flexity comes in at 50 meters and will be used on popular lines such as the M4, according to Tagesspiegel (Paywall). The nine-section train is part of a 20-train order that includes 17 of the über-long models as well as three five-section models that stretch just 30 meters. Earlier versions of the same tram only stretched to 41 meters. Pardon me for train fanboying but I can’t wait to ride in one.

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